Children of Narcissists

“The negative inner parent undermines adult effectiveness in the same way the narcissistic parent undermined the child… There is an ongoing war between the adult finding her way in life and her childish part still under the sway of the negative introject. The adult part can prevail if the person learns to recognize that the messages of the inner parent are wrong. These messages tell the person that she doesn’t have what it takes to make it in the real world. The inner parent withdraws its support if the adult persists in her efforts. This leads to severe anxiety depression… If the person believes the messages of her negative inner parent, she surrenders real life for the reward of living according to childhood rules. Due to the undermining of her ego, the child of a narcissist is easily discouraged by real life difficulties. The negative inner parent distorts reality to prove its point about the person’s inadequacy and the person believes its message… this struggle will depend upon her skill in detecting the workings of the invisible force and her determination to root out its influence. Every child of a narcissist must develop his or her will if he or she is to recover.”

Elan Golomb Ph.D, Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self